


Climbing over me while I crawl in the backseat

by cuddlebugharry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Grocery Store, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Car Sex, Gay Sex, M/M, Rimming, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-12 04:01:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5651740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddlebugharry/pseuds/cuddlebugharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Just because you eat organic bullshit every day and probably do hot yoga to indie music doesn’t mean you’re better than everyone else. You walk around like you’re all high and mighty just because you can choke down green sludge and touch your toes.” Louis spits.</p><p>“First of all, kale isn’t the only thing I can choke down, being flexible in many different positions has proven very useful, and you’re even hotter when you’re all worked up.” Kale Asshole chuckles as he brushes Louis’ fringe out of his squinted, angry eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Climbing over me while I crawl in the backseat

Honestly, Niall is the _worst_ flatmate ever.  

That’s all Louis can think about as he shoves his cart past a bustling mother juggling an armful of boxes and screaming children. Horrid. Absolutely horrid. 

He had woken up at half past twelve to an empty fridge and a sticky note stuck to his forehead that had “Late for class, no time to get groceries. Sorry, mate!” scribbled across it in messy handwriting that no doubt belonged to Niall. 

Louis had strongly considered just staying in bed until Niall returned at some point with food. Hibernation had always seemed like such a good idea to him. Those bears were truly on to something. However, his growling stomach begged to differ. So here he was, fighting off stay at home moms for the last tub of double fudge ice cream and cursing at the cart with the bloody squeaky wheel.  

Louis throws another bag of chips on top of the mountain of junk food accumulating in his cart. If he had to go to the grocery store he sure as hell was going to get his favorites. Not that Niall would mind, that boy would eat anything. 

He peers down at his mound of food to make sure he had the essentials before he heads to the checkout; chips, soda, candy, frozen pizza. It was all there. 

Louis turns right and cuts through the produce section, quickly gliding through all the vegetables because, no. The only green Louis wants in his system is _inhaled_ not _ingested_. 

Thankfully, he finds a cashier with no line and quickly turns his cart. Louis ungracefully dumps his armfuls of food onto the belt and deliberately ignores the eye roll from the girl behind the register. He sends her a sheepish grin and pulls his phone out to scroll through as she begins bagging his items. 

Louis is halfway through a not so friendly text to Niall that may or may not contain the words “Irish fucker” when he hears the noise of another squeaky cart stop behind him. The other customer begins placing their items on the belt in an annoyingly organized fashion. Everything grouped together as if they’re the fucking record holder of grocery tetris.  

The obsessive organization alone is enough to make Louis twitch, but the fact that they didn’t put a divider between their orders makes Louis want to dump their stupid almond milk all over their no doubt stupid face. 

Louis may not be the best customer, but even he isn't that rude. And he debated on shoving a little girl out of the way for a box of donuts so yeah, that says a lot. 

Still, he resists the urge to turn around and instead scowls as their kale and other disgustingly leafy greens touch his beautiful, triple cheese pizza.  

Louis turns his attention back to his phone to keep from getting arrested in a grocery store. His temper has never been his best quality. 

He just hits send on his message to Niall when the cashier speaks up, “Are you two together?” 

This is _exactly_ why Louis was so bothered. It was bad enough that he had to leave the warm cocoon of his bed to go to the damn store, and now _he_ has to explain to the cashier that _no_ , they aren’t together. The asshole behind him is just too lazy to put down the divider even though he has time to assemble his groceries like a puzzle.  

Louis is about to spit these exact words when Kale Asshole beats him to it.

“Sadly, no.” Kale Asshole says in a shockingly deep, soothing voice that definitely doesn’t spike Louis’ interest or send a shiver down his spine. Definitely not. 

Suddenly his words register in Louis’ head and he spins around. To berate the maniac of course, not to see the face that belongs to the panty dropping voice. Louis has some self respect. 

“Excuse me?” Louis prompts, trying to contain his scowl when he realizes he has to look up to meet Kale Asshole’s gaze. Also annoying. Being that tall is so unnecessary, even if he could easily reach the box of crackers on the top shelf that are Louis favorite or pick Louis up with his strong arms and push him against a wall-

No. No, Louis doesn’t know Kale Asshole has strong arms because he definitely is not staring at his delicious muscles bulging from the sleeves of his ridiculous _sheer_ floral print shirt. And he _definitely_ doesn’t notice the many tattoos visible through the material. Or the beautiful brown locks that fall perfectly onto his broad shoulders. 

Louis is halfway through a sonnet in his head that compares the green of his kale to the green of his eyes when the stranger replies, “It’s a shame but no, we aren’t together.” He nods at the cashier.

The cashier coughs loudly and repeats his total for probably the fifth time. Louis had been too busy drooling over the tight, tight jeans that clung to Kale Asshole’s endless legs. 

Louis feels a blush creep across his face as he shoves a handful of bills into her hand. Which is repulsive because Louis Tomlinson doesn’t blush, ever. He’s always brash, loud and shameless. 

He takes the receipt from the cashier and raises his head high with pride because it’ll take more than a pretty boy sending him a crooked smirk to rattle Louis Tomlinson. 

With the screech of his squeaky cart, he’s gone.  

Louis carelessly tosses the bags into the back of his car and determinedly ignores the incessant sad voice in his head saying he’ll never see Kale Asshole again. 

“What a proper dick.” Louis fumes to himself as he grabs the last bag in the cart. 

He glances down, expecting to see an assortment of chips, but is instead met with the nauseating sight of green. And _not_ the good kind.  

Louis grabs the offensive vegetable out and tosses the rest into the car. He shoves the trunk closed and turns to scan the parking lot. Theres no way the guy is still here and even if he is, why should Louis return the food? 

After a brief moment of inner battle, he decides to find Kale Asshole. Louis reasoned that the only use he would have for the Kale is to maybe set it on fire. Yes, that is why he wanted to find the curly headed lad. There was absolutely no other motive. 

Louis squints and searches the lot, finally spotting a head of curls ducking under the trunk of a totally unimpressive sleek range rover a few rows over. 

He marches, okay maybe its more of a purposeful strut, over to the car and does the most reasonable thing a mature young adult could do.

He hits Kale Asshole in the back of the head with his bag of kale. 

“Hey Kale Asshole, missing something?” He asks as he swings the bag yet again once the guy turns around.

“Hey- oh, yeah! I was just looking for that! Thanks, mate.” Kale Asshole grins and reaches for the bag. 

Louis pulls it away from his grasp at the last moment. “And what makes you think I should just give it to you? I did pay for it after all.” 

Hell if Louis is going to just let the dick make him pay for his nasty groceries and get away with it that easily. 

Kale Asshole’s grin falters before it turns into a full blown smirk. There’s a gleam in his eyes that Louis definitely does not enjoy. 

In a flash, the guy grabs Louis’ hips with his ridiculously stupid big hands and spins him around so that his bum is against the back of his still open range rover.

“I’m sure I could think of a way to repay you.” He crowds into Louis space even further, pressing up against him.

Louis coughs out a nervous laugh and his hand that isn't bracing him against the car tightens around the bag. 

“I-I was just fucking with you, mate. I’m sure it was only a few dollars. Even though you got the stupid organic shit.” He stammers nervously. 

“Heeey organic produce is not stupid. It has many healthy benefits that are great for your body.”  Kale Asshole protests with a pout that is anything but adorable. 

“Yeah, well. Some of us don’t give a shit about our bodies so if you could just-” 

“But you have such a lovely one.” Kale Asshole smirks again, running his hands along the curves of Louis’ sides. 

Louis suppresses a shudder and throws the bag of Kale behind him.

“Really, I feel bad. Let me make it up to you.” He lightly squeezes Louis hips and raises an eyebrow. 

“Oh and how are you going to do that? Will you whip me up a nice detox beverage in this parking lot with that trash you call food?”  Louis scoffs. 

“Surprised you even know what that is based on your impressive selection of _frozen dinners_.” Kale Asshole bites back.

Here we go, now he got Louis started.

“Just because you eat organic bullshit every day and probably do hot yoga to indie music doesn’t mean you’re better than everyone else. You walk around like you’re all high and mighty just because you can choke down green sludge and touch your toes.” Louis spits. 

“First of all, kale isn’t the only thing I can choke down, being flexible in many different positions has proven very useful, and you’re even hotter when you’re all worked up.” Kale Asshole chuckles as he brushes Louis’ fringe out of his squinted, angry eyes.  

Louis’ mouth is hanging wide open and due solely to the lack of a good comeback, he does the only thing he can think of.  

He fists his hand into the tempting curls and yanks Kale Asshole forward to connect their lips. 

Kale Asshole is only in shock for a second before he recovers with impressive speed and kisses back, tongue swiping across Louis’ bottom lip, begging for entrance. 

Within moments, the kiss becomes far too filthy for a grocery store parking lot.  

Louis debates pushing the guy away when he hears the scream of a young child until he feels steady hands wrap around his thighs and hoist him up into the back of the car. 

He doesn’t have the time or will to argue when he’s laid down softly and feels the heat of Kale Asshole’s body climbing up his. 

Somehow in the process the trunk was shut and Louis is now laying in the back of a range rover with the seats down surrounded by vegetables while indie music plays softly from the speakers. 

“Don’t even say it.” The asshole kisses the rude remark off Louis lips and runs a warm hand over the hot skin of his stomach. 

Louis’ loud manly chuckles (giggles), are promptly cut off by teeth grazing over his neck and nipping lighting. He sucks in a sharp breath as a tongue soothes over the mark. 

Louis is unable to think, let alone breath, again until the guy pulls back to unbutton his shirt and reveal the smooth, inked skin. 

“I must say, I am very interested to find out what else you can choke down.” Louis says seriously, eyeing the plump pink lips on the stranger above him. 

Kale Asshole lets out a laugh that is far too obnoxious and loud to be deemed appropriate in the small space, but it still causes a smile to tug at the corner of Louis’ mouth. 

“Oh, really? You didn’t come over here to find out what other delicious food I have?” He tilts his head to the side with a grin.

“Is that how you get all the boys in the back of your car then? Lure them in with special green treats?” Louis laughs. 

“Only the pretty ones.” He brushes a thumb across Louis’ cheekbone which absolutely does not make him blush for the second time within an hour. 

“I swear you health nuts are all the same. All talk no- no… _fuck_.” Louis groans out reluctantly. 

He meant to get another jab in about fitness freaks but it was truly a lost cause the moment a large hand started rubbing over the already growing bulge in his pants. 

In any other circumstance Louis may have been embarrassed by how fast he had gotten worked up by a complete stranger, but he deserved some slack. He is laid out in the back of an expensive car by a boy no doubt sculpted by the god himself. 

And said boy is working wonders, really. After ripping off Louis shirt, the stranger makes his way down his body. He takes his time kissing and biting every inch of Louis’ tanned skin, paying special attention to his nipples after a particularly embarrassing moan that escaped Louis’ mouth the first time he felt teeth graze over them. 

He reaches Louis’ pants and pulls back to unbutton them and yank them down quickly. 

“As much as I’d _love_ to show you just how well I can choke something down, there’s something else I’d much rather do.” Without another word he flips Louis over pulls his hips up so that his ass is in the air.

“Getting my mouth on that exquisite ass of yours is all I’ve been thinking about since I saw it wrapped in those sinful pants.” Kale Asshole groans as he runs a hand down the curve of Louis’ bum.

This time Louis can’t suppress the shudder that rakes through his body. 

“Well what are you waiting for then?” Louis says in a tone that definitely doesn't hold a hint of pleading. 

Kale Asshole shuts him up with a light bite to his left cheek before he pushes his knees further apart. 

Louis has always been the dramatic sort but he _swears_ he sees actual stars in front of his eyes the first time he feels the asshole’s tongue sweep around his rim teasingly. 

It’s only a matter of minutes before he’s pushing his ass back onto a complete strangers face, begging for _more_ as little broken whimpers echo through the car.  

Heat is swirling in the pit of Louis’ stomach and he feels like he’s about to explode so it comes as no surprise when he lets out a loud whine at the loss of a wet mouth teasing his hole. 

“Shh it’s alright.” Kale Asshole coos as he moves around Louis to crawl toward the front. 

Louis can’t tear his eyes away from the boy’s wet and puffy lips. The spit around his mouth should be repulsive but Louis finds himself wanting to lick it off. 

He hears a rattle as the guy sorts through his glovebox and pulls out a bottle of lube. 

Louis definitely doesn’t take the opportunity to stare at the boy’s bum which, annoyingly enough, is still covered in his tight, tight, pants. 

Louis lets out another groan and collapses onto the floor, rolling onto his back. Not to be melodramatic, but Louis will most likely _die_ if he doesn’t get something, anything, in him _right now_. 

After what seems like centuries but is really only thirty seconds, Kale Asshole returns and settles between Louis’ now spread legs. 

He dribbles lube onto deliciously long fingers and drops the bottle to the ground. His hand disappears between Louis’ thighs and a single digit traces his hole. Louis lets out a heavy sigh because _finally_. 

Louis shuts his eyes and prepares for the pleasure but it doesn’t come. The touch disappears and Louis’ eyes flash open in annoyance. 

“Sorry, love. Wouldn’t want to hurt your back would we?” Kale Asshole grins mischievously. 

Louis is one second from asking what the hell he’s talking about and two seconds away from kicking him in the face when he feels his hips being lifted up and something soft supporting his bum. 

He already knows before he even looks down.

“I swear to fucking god if you seriously just-”

The pleasure comes. Two fingers slide easily into him and it feel _so_ good. So good that he temporarily forgets. But not that good.

“Did you actually just put _kale_ under my _ass_ to _finger me_?” Louis scoffs in disbelief. 

“I told you it has many health benefits.” Kale Asshole smirks and crooks his fingers just so, making Louis forget whatever insult had been at the tip of his tongue. 

“Stop, STOP.” Louis yells soon after a third finger is inside him. He really wants to yell to keep going but he’s afraid his prostate can’t handle any more torture without him exploding.  

The boy removes his fingers and wipes them on his pants carelessly before wiggling out of them completely. 

Louis practically drools at the sight of his throbbing cock leaking precum. It was evident the stranger was packing due to the tight pants not leaving much to the imagination, but it was even better than Louis anticipated.  

He makes shameless grabby hands at the stranger who just laughed in response. Louis was not past throwing a tantrum, he really wasn’t. 

The boy still wasn’t moving fast enough for Louis’ liking so he grabbed the lube himself and poured some onto his hand before he grabbed his cock. 

The deep moan the stranger let out went straight to Louis cock and he was about ready to start sobbing if they didn’t pick up the pace. 

Thankfully, the other boy finally seemed to be on the same page and made quick work of turning Louis around yet again and pushing him forward until his hands came up to grip the headrest of the drivers seat in front of him. 

Warn hands grip his waist as a knee moves his legs further apart, completely exposing him. 

Nothing could have prepared Louis for just how _good_ this moment would feel. 

The sharp pain of nails digging into his hips. The soft press of lips against his back. The indescribable stretch of an insanely hot guy pressing into him. The painful yet wonderful drag of the stranger’s cock as he shamelessly fucked him in public. 

Louis had never deemed himself an exhibitionist, but if the way he grinds back to meet every thrust and lets out shaky little moans was anything to go by, he definitely was now. 

There was no doubt that the car was shaking at this point. Louis just hopes that poor families couldn't here the stranger’s loud groans as he thrust into Louis quickly, making him clutch the headrest for dear life and try not to scream. 

“Fuck, _fuck_.” Louis cries out when the boy hits his prostate.

Louis can feel him smirk into his back knowing that he found his spot. He’s nailing it with every thrust now and there are actual tears starting to form in his eyes. He bites down on his trembling lip.

“Don’t hold back. Want everyone to hear you. Even that cashier. Bet you could cum untouched” He punctuates his words with a particularly sharp thrust and a bite to Louis’ shoulder.

That’s all it takes for Louis to let go and fall deep into a spiraling bliss. He clenches around the stranger and screams out as his orgasm hits him full force. White clouds his vision as he trembles. 

He’s vaguely aware of the other boy’s increasingly sloppy thrusts, a sure sign that he’s about to follow. 

Louis is growing sensitive from his orgasm but he wants nothing more than for this asshole to feel the same pleasure he did. With tears still in his eyes, he reaches one hand back and places it over the stranger’s hand on his waist. He squeezes his small hand around the boy’s larger one and grinds back once again. 

He cums with a shout and releases inside Louis. Once his hips still Louis twists his neck for an awkward but still pleasant kiss. 

Louis feels sadly empty when the boy pulls out. He gasps in surprise when the boy uses his own shirt to clean Louis’ sensitive skin. However, if anything could make that horrid shirt look any better it was Louis’ cum. 

Louis tugs on his clothes and hops out of the door, ignoring the mild discomfort that serves as a reminder of what just happened. 

He pats his pockets and frowns when he notices his phone is missing. Kale asshole is already in the drivers seat. He holds Louis’ iPhone out the window with that infamous smirk still present on his face. Louis rolls his eyes and snatches it out of his grasp. 

The range rover roars to life as it starts and Louis steps back, slightly hurt.

He didn’t expect a declaration of love by any means but a proper goodbye would have been nice. 

He should know better from a parking lot hookup. 

The car rolls forward and Kale Asshole gives a slight wave, leaving Louis standing alone in the damn grocery store parking lot.  

Louis mopes back to his car and throws himself into the driver’s seat dramatically. He unlocks his phone to see a new contact added and sends two messages.

 

To: Niall

 

The grocery store isn’t so bad after all. You’re still a wanker x

 

 

To: Kale Asshole

 

You were right about one thing, it’s a shame we aren’t together. Repay me with a date? x

**Author's Note:**

> this was such a self indulgent fic I thought of while suffering at work 
> 
> considering doing a part 2 let me know what you think!!! 
> 
> come chat on tumblr!! cuddlebugharry


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